happy new year!…

happy new year
(daughter arriving home at 10 a.m. new years day – made it through the first door)
little tobin: (whipping open the second door) where have you been? what have you been up to? who did you go out with? where did you go? did you have any fun? was it a nice night? did all of your pals have fun too? who exactly were you with? where did you stay last night?
daughter: (having astutely picked up coffee on the way home) happy new year… here’s a coffee…
little tobin: oh YUM! dunkin donuts… (inquisition averted with coffee)

happy new year to all from little tobin & daughter.

gym story #13 – cover me!…

little tobin: (hopping off the treadmill at a speed i haven’t seen her move in years) COVER ME!
daughter: (still on the treadmill, little tobin crouching behind) what the hell are you doing?…
little tobin: i cannot talk to that guy! (sort of now kneeling in the walkway)
daughter: who!? you know the entire gym can see you!
little tobin: i do not know his name but i do know i do not want to talk to him – he’s an old coworker.
daughter: well i don’t see anyone… ok i’m getting off this and going to the elliptical.
little tobin: (eyes darting everywhere) wait… no! what the heck is the little pickle?
daughter: i said the ELLIPTICAL! oh god you should just call it a night and go home.
little tobin: ok get my stuff out of the locker room – i’m outta here in a flash – cover me!
daughter: NO.

review of silver linings playbook…

little tobin: amazing!…
daughter: they actually made mental illness look good…
little tobin: well that was all bradley cooper! he is gorgeous!
daughter: he looks like a bird, no thanks. robert deniro is way more attractive.
little tobin: you are so not normal.

(4 thumbs up)

merry christmas!…

christmaslittle tobin: GET UP! santa is here!
daughter: oh my god, i think i just went to bed 2 hours ago… and it’s still dark out!
little tobin: payback sucks…

merry christmas from little tobin & daughter

review of the hobbit…

little tobin: wasn’t that cinematography just amazing?, i think that was the best movie i have seen this year,
it was just so beautiful and the actors were fabulous. what did you think?
daughter: it’s official – i will now have nightmares for the rest of my life! oh and i was asleep for the first half…
little tobin: you freakin’ whoosie! get over it, it was amazing. there was nothing you liked about it?
daughter: well i was glad to see the little guy from love actually got another job… those dogs were so SCARY!
little tobin: you are nuts! it’s make-believe…
daughter: who says!?

2 thumbs up (obviously from little tobin)

 

we joined a gym…

little tobin & daughter: (entering the gym… banging into the locked turnstile – maybe a sign?) hi! we’d like to sign up!
gym guy: great! what kind of membership are you 2 looking for?
little tobin & daughter: (perplexed) huh? what kind?  a regular one obviously…
little tobin: what other kind could there be?
gym guy: do you guys do jiu jitsu?
little tobin: is he joking?
daughter: yeah let’s just stick with a basic membership please.
gym guy: ok all i need you to do is fill out these forms (handing us what seems like an endless stack…)
little tobin: ok i’m already getting deterred with paperwork!
daughter: oh come on, we can sit down & fill it out. UGH did you see question #2? how much do you weigh?
little tobin:  you obviously have to lie! i’m off by 40 lbs and i feel better already.. HAHA
daughter: and question #4 – are you dieting? i wrote ‘always’…
little tobin: i put down ‘trying’ – that’s a fair assessment, can’t get mad if someone is trying…
but what’s with question #11… how far can you walk? what’s it to them? it’s none of their business.
daughter: well we are at a gym, they want to know how fit we are.
little tobin: i think that’s obvious!
daughter: fair enough… let’s just hand it in…
gym guy: (looking over our forms with no judgement it seemed…) ok ladies looks like you’re all set,
are you working out with us tonight?
little tobin & daughter: oh god no, this was plenty for one day!

a snapshot of 2 funny ladies we miss dearly…

(to gain a more in-depth understanding of little tobin and i, you must know more about other family members. These are 2 holiday stories about my grandma dot & aunt mary – the other women who molded me and we all miss every day…)

(about 10 years ago)
grandma dot: when are you coming home for the holidays this year?
daughter: (living in LA at this point and just broken up with latest boyfriend) not sure just yet…
grandma dot: and will you be bringing home someone special with you this year?
daughter: nope not this year… just me.
grandma dot: and you know i mean anyone special –  woman or man…
daughter: gram! just because i’ve been single now for maybe 2 months doesn’t mean i’m a lesbian now.
grandma dot: hey, you do whatever you want, i don’t care either way.
daughter: omg i’m telling you i still like guys, i’m just taking a break at the moment.
grandma dot: well now that that’s settled… one of my bingo friends has a very cute grandson!

(about 6 years ago – arriving at christmas eve dinner in west stockbridge)
aunt mary: (bum rushing me as I walk in the door, breathless) jesse! daniel brought a friend to dinner this year and he is ADORABLE – you have to talk to him – he lives in india!
daughter: huh? you want me to move to india? can i take my coat off first & put this food down please?
aunt mary: yes yes, of course. fix yourself up then meet me in the kitchen.
daughter: oh god – ok.
(introductions ensue as everyone looks on – not uncomfortable at all. but just wait…)
aunt mary: ok i have to pull you 2 apart for a moment (we aren’t even talking at this point…) jess, we are one person short for the christmas pageant this year (aunt mary’s annual kids performance for the adults) so you have to be in it… you just have to wear these antenna and a pair of wings and maybe some face paint and sing a solo.
daughter: what? seriously? so you are trying to fix me up with this guy and now you are making me perform for him? this seems wrong…
little tobin: oh please just do it! you are so inhibited.
aunt mary: we cannot disappoint the crowd! it will be endearing… he will love it…
(i sang – in my costume… we never talked again…)

review of life of pi…

little tobin: amazingly beautiful.
daughter: heart-wrenchingingly gorgeous.

daughter: you think he ever got on a boat again?
little tobin: oh god, no way. I’m never getting on a boat!
daughter: nope me either, not a chance.

(4 thumbs up for the film – 4 thumbs down for a cruise vacation)

joined a book club!…

daughter: hey i joined a book club with my co-workers.
little tobin: you did? do they read magazines?
daughter: oh stop! they read books!
little tobin: (giggling uncontrollably) and they let you in…
daughter: funny, real funny…

wait a minute mr. postman…

(it’s a snowy saturday afternoon as the unassuming postman arrives at our door…)
little tobin: (greeting him at the door) well hello, you don’t happen to have netflix for us?
mr. postman: uh, yeah seems like i have 2, here you go.
little tobin: oh GREAT! ok wait, i need to open these and see what one is a duplicate.
my daughter went and got one at the video store for me last night, do you know there are still video stores?, but it was already in our queue and now i think you are delivering it. so i need to open these, double-check and then i can give you back the one i don’t want and you can send it on back to the netflix people. sound good?
mr. postman: ma’am, i can’t wait for you to do whatever you just told me you are going to do.
little tobin: oh puhleaseeee. yes you can.
(mr. postman waited – smart choice man…)