Category: home

a snapshot of the past 48hrs…

daughter: hey mom, this is mr. d*, he’s here to help..you guys can chat about tattoos, he’s got a few…
little tobin: well then he’s a big pervert!
daughter: huh? but you have a tattoo…
little tobin: hey! who we talkin’ about, me or him?
daughter: well technically you…

ambulance lady: ok we’re going to head out now, if you have any concerns or want to chat, just give me a shout…
little tobin: well, you don’t have to worry about that. I’m pretty positive I already hate you…
daughter: annnddd we’re off!…

little tobin: hey, you think that guy is available?
daughter: god i hope not…

*(mr. d’s identity has been withheld to protect his privacy, because obviously i’m very concerned with personal privacy…)

 

 

unusual landscaping…

daughter: ok, i’ll mow your lawn if you tell me why there’s a bacon sandwich in your backyard?
little tobin: it’s for my friends…
daughter: what the hell kind of friends you trying to attract?
little tobin: cute little birdies… what’s it to ya?
daughter: i don’t want to mow the lawn and have bacon flying in my face…
little tobin: but everyone loves bacon…
daughter: not as lawn decor!

 

scented spring cleaning…

daughter: ok let the clean up begin!…
little tobin: alright i’ve got my gloves and lysol…
daughter: i thought we were just raking leaves?
little tobin: yeah exactly…
daughter: oh yick they are all wet and stinky!
little tobin: wait, wait! (scurrying back into the house, reappearing with a jar – sprinkles contents of jar on leaves)
daughter: what the heck are you doing? are those someones ashes??!?
little tobin: noooo, jeezz.
daughter: what is it then?
little tobin: (sprinkling furiously) it’s a scent! so there ya go, now they smell nice!
daughter: you have to be kidding me… now it’s a wet soggy smelly moldy pile of leaves that are perfume scented, this makes it so much better. thanks…
little tobin: (smiling like a school girl) you are welcome.

house next door…

daughter: hey they finally finished the house next door and put it up for sale.
little tobin: yup and it’s SO cute!
daughter: i should buy it!
little tobin: what? then we would both move in there?
daughter: NOOOOO you would stay here and i would move in there, by myself, on my own, like a grown up!
little tobin: ok, got it, jeezzzzzz. but i’ll have a key, right?

 

catchphrase…

(little tobin seems to have a new fun & festive catchphrase)

little tobin: hey do you want to go to the movies today?
daughter: i wish, i have to work on some freelance today.
little tobin: this shits!

little tobin: ok, I’m going to finally mow the lawn today.
daughter: it’s pouring rain outside.
little tobin: this shits!

little tobin: I’m going to make some omelets for brunch, you want one?
daughter: sounds great but we’re out of eggs.
little tobin: this shits!

 

 

cleaning time!…

little tobin: we have got to clean this house now, it’s a mess!
daughter: ok ok.. i got it. let’s do it right now and just get it done!
(we scatter in all directions getting our cleaning clothes on and grabbing supplies)
daughter: hey where are the paper towels?
little tobin: did you check the trunk of my car?
daughter: well no, that’s not the first place I thought to look. I’ll check.
(moments later)
daughter: none in the car storage.
little tobin: oh gosh we must be out.
daughter: i can not clean without paper towels. Want to watch the last disc of homeland?
little tobin: ohhhhh that sounds much better. let’s just not invite anyone over anytime soon, ok?
daughter: deal!

what’s a slop vac?

(nice unassuming man is re-tiling our shower – as we hover)
nice man: do you guys have a shop vac?
daughter: what the heck is a slop vac?
little tobin: is it for all the slop we have around this house?
daughter: yeah we really need to clean this weekend.
little tobin: we could use this handy-dandy slop vac! i really would like one of those vacuums that’s a robot.
daughter: oh yeah, maybe in a cute red color. do they talk to you?
little tobin: ohhhh i wonder.
daughter: like on the jetsons, they must have those by now!
little tobin: let’s look online!
nice man: hey! it’s called a SHOP vac – and i’m guessing you guys don’t have one.
daughter & little tobin: oh yeah we don’t have that.