(to gain a more in-depth understanding of little tobin and i, you must know more about other family members. These are 2 holiday stories about my grandma dot & aunt mary – the other women who molded me and we all miss every day…)
(about 10 years ago)
grandma dot: when are you coming home for the holidays this year?
daughter: (living in LA at this point and just broken up with latest boyfriend) not sure just yet…
grandma dot: and will you be bringing home someone special with you this year?
daughter: nope not this year… just me.
grandma dot: and you know i mean anyone special – woman or man…
daughter: gram! just because i’ve been single now for maybe 2 months doesn’t mean i’m a lesbian now.
grandma dot: hey, you do whatever you want, i don’t care either way.
daughter: omg i’m telling you i still like guys, i’m just taking a break at the moment.
grandma dot: well now that that’s settled… one of my bingo friends has a very cute grandson!
(about 6 years ago – arriving at christmas eve dinner in west stockbridge)
aunt mary: (bum rushing me as I walk in the door, breathless) jesse! daniel brought a friend to dinner this year and he is ADORABLE – you have to talk to him – he lives in india!
daughter: huh? you want me to move to india? can i take my coat off first & put this food down please?
aunt mary: yes yes, of course. fix yourself up then meet me in the kitchen.
daughter: oh god – ok.
(introductions ensue as everyone looks on – not uncomfortable at all. but just wait…)
aunt mary: ok i have to pull you 2 apart for a moment (we aren’t even talking at this point…) jess, we are one person short for the christmas pageant this year (aunt mary’s annual kids performance for the adults) so you have to be in it… you just have to wear these antenna and a pair of wings and maybe some face paint and sing a solo.
daughter: what? seriously? so you are trying to fix me up with this guy and now you are making me perform for him? this seems wrong…
little tobin: oh please just do it! you are so inhibited.
aunt mary: we cannot disappoint the crowd! it will be endearing… he will love it…
(i sang – in my costume… we never talked again…)
(running down the stairs heading out the door)
little tobin: well now look at US! we are twins!
daughter: (stopping in my tracks) yup this is how it’s going to be now – me, matching my mother…
little tobin: we are so CUTE!
(pulling out of the driveway)
little tobin: how’s my lipstick?
daughter: how’s mine? ahhh we are rolling into the street!
little tobin & daughter: HAHAHAHAH whoooppssss!
little tobin: at least our lipstick looks good!
(finally on the way)
little tobin: what’s this song? hey jessseeeeeeee
daughter: no! it’s called hey jealous.
little tobin: nah, i like my version better…. HEYYY JESSEEEeeeeee
(heading home, officer blocking our street)
daughter: officer can we just go down there?, we live on the street.
little tobin: why are you talking in that voice?
little tobin: it’s your fake nice voice… he sees through it!
daughter: come on, stop!
officer: ladies you can proceed.
daughter: thank you officer.
little tobin: oh puhleaseeee, there it is again!