daughters tales of public transportation (a look back)…

everyday after work i head up the road as the bus to NYC heads down the road… automatically i think awe i want to be on that bus then i remember some of my bus bemusements,  just laugh and continue on… here’s a look back at some of my faves.

next to an obviously drunk lady on the bus.  1. she asked me if I knew her cousin  2. told me she can’t wait to get to wisconsin (we are on the nyc bus)  3. Her t-shirt says – i’m not stupid, i’m just drunk  4. I offered her a pretzel, she told me she doesn’t like ham…  5. she tried to start a dance party after her nap to whitney houston’s i wanna dance with somebody (nobody took her up on the offer).

guy in bus line: “hey do you have a soda?” me: “no” guy: “why” me: “what” guy: “you’re funny, can I stand next to you? me: “no” guy: “do you want to sit me with on the bus?” me: “oh my god no!” guy: “really?”

On the train, dog on my lap (not mine), kid next to me asked her mom if the old lady can move over to make room for her doll, fyi the old lady is me. That kids gotta go, the dog can stay, her name is eloise.”

Guy sits next to me on the bus and ask me – “do you have any sickness”  i cautiously shake my head noooo. he sits down, proceeds to fall asleep snoring on me, wakes up rested, pulls out his deluxe rubiks cube, twirls it like a gun slinger, cracks it open and applies vaseline!

on the bus: SAT ON twice! And an appropriate apology is NOT a slab of leftover turkey from thanksgiving offered in your hand!

  yup a guy just kicked the side of the bus, screamed he was being chased and needed to get on the bus immediately.
i obviously thought he was lying until 2 cops cars screeched to a halt at the bus.

tap, tap, tap on my arm… little ole lady: “what you watching?”  me: “True Blood.”  little ole lady: “is it racy?”  me: “yeah in parts, it has vampires.”  little ole lady: “Wooo hot vampires? I got to get me that to watch on the TV!” (moments later)  little ole lady: “you think there are vampires on this bus?” (number 1 – oh my god i hope NOT! number 2 – she is now my all-time favorite)

85 yr old lady next to me on flight: “honey you have to bless yourself before we take off?”  me: “huh?” lady: grabs my hand, pokes me in the eye, I accidentally kiss her hand and now I guess we are good to go.

I got a seat on the bus all to myself! Happy as a clam… I spy the guy in front of me typing on his laptop and I’m sorry I can’t help myself from reading… and guess what he’s writing – a porn! yup on the bus he’s writing a porn. I pick up my car tomorrow.

2 comments

  1. s

    And an appropriate apology is NOT a slab of leftover turkey from thanksgiving offered in your hand!

    is your last name Sedaris?

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